Captivated.

It never occurred to me that I would contemplate God the way I am tonight. Recently, I realized that I had been envisioning God in a similar light as I did with my earthly father figure, Erick. My father on Earth was always affectionate, nurturing, and a provider. Despite his many admirable qualities, one thing I knew for sure was that he was not inclined to engage in conversations about emotions or "difficult" topics like boys or the common teenage discussions about sex. Some things remained unspoken, left for me to decipher. Subconsciously, I started to perceive God in the same manner. Like Erick, I saw God as a provider who would always find a way to ensure I had what I needed, sometimes even what I wanted but didn't necessarily need; I would be cared for, loved - but what about guided? My father Erick viewed guidance as advising me on what to avoid, what to steer clear of, and what not to pursue. This approach left me somewhat confused about what I should be doing, what I should be drawing closer to, and what I should be striving for. Given that I couldn't have open, vulnerable conversations with my father Erick, I unknowingly refrained from being vulnerable with God as well. I refrained from praying to Him and expressing my emotions openly. Instead, I tried to figure things out on my own. Unintentionally, I was replicating the dynamics of my relationship with my earthly father in my relationship with my heavenly father, until a moment of realization dawned on me.

While I was reading a book, I had a moment where God communicated with me. The essence of the message was that God is different from my Earthly father, and my father was not God. This led me to change my perspective and attitude, and I started conversing with God in a vulnerable and emotionally open manner. One of the first things I requested from God was to reveal to me what my father Erick was afraid of. God allowed me to empathize with my father's moments of reluctance to be vulnerable with me. I began to understand the reasons behind my father's actions and conversations, developing immense compassion for his struggles. I found myself forgiving both my father and myself for past behaviors, and I gained a deep respect for him, even after 14 years since his passing. God deeply touched my heart.

Looking back on my relationship with Erick, I smile knowing that both of us did our best with the knowledge we had at that time. I believe that one day, we will reunite and share all that we have learned since we were last together. I have unwavering faith that God's timing is always perfect. I am thankful to be embraced by God's love now in a way that I never imagined possible.

I urge you, at this present moment, to let God captivate you and dwell in your heart, guiding you according to His will.

In love & light,

Maria